It's a cinch it's The Grinch

Audrey Yeager

Editor's Note: Winlock resident Audrey Yeager used to write columns for the The Nisqually Valley News and submitted this holiday piece, originally published in December of 1998, to Town Crier to share her humorous look at life with her community.

No matter how hard I try to pretend, Christmas rushes toward me like an oncoming train.

All the gifts and holiday wrappings were purchased and put away long ago. This year, I definitely had a head start, or so I thought. When checking my to-do list, I realized how wrong I was.

Not so many years ago, we were allowed a breather between Christmas and Thanksgiving, but not anymore. Now, the good dishes, wiped clean of the turkey and dressing, are no sooner placed back in the cupboard than the TV ads are telling us we better get to deckin' those halls.

I need that seven-or-eight-day lull to rest up after Turkey Day, but it just seems to have disappeared. I know where Thanksgiving went, or at least part of it. I'm wearing close to five pounds of it, not-so-evenly distributed about my person. As for the other days, they really are gone, you know, but I'm almost sure who took them: The Grinch.

The guy is reputed to be a master thief, and I suppose stealing a few days wouldn't be any big deal. Especially since he wasn't dumb enough to sneak off with all of them at once. He must have taken a Monday one year and, when nobody noticed, he snagged Tuesday the year after that. From there it was simply a matter of pretending he didn't know what anyone was talking about when they complained of, "not enough time anymore," as he spirited them away one by one.

Personally, I think this fellow should be arrested post haste, and made to tell us where he hid those needed days between Thanksgiving and Christmas. I'm tired of trying to cram a whole month into three weeks. Besides, you never know when this crook will get a big head because of his success and make an attempt at dragging part of summer out of town.

I'm really adamant as far as the arrest of this sneak goes. He should be handcuffed, read his rights and, by all means, frisked. He would have Friday evening or Wednesday morning on him.

Maybe The Grinch will always maintain his silence where the missing days are concerned, and we'll never get them back. (I have a feeling that's the case.) Then I'm really going to quit with the frenzied decorating contest, skip baking cookies to feed a small city, and get back to the heart of the matter.

The sounds of the bells pealing over our town, mixed up with the harmonies of the carols sung on the street corners; red noses, frosty breath, colored lights strung from the lampposts, happy people, a star...brighter than all the rest!

The Grinch may fool me sometimes, but I'll never let him steal my Christmas.